Lost and found

Meant to be read in side-by-side columns, but I think it's okay anyway:

LOST

1200 block Wasteland St, Thursday, FAKE “threatening” letter, handwritten, slightly soiled paper. Pls call if found – was just a JOKE, btwn FRIENDS, still shouldn’t fall into wrong hands.







DOG, large brown and white mongrel, skinny, pointy ears, answers to Bud, missing Weds night. Will reimburse finder for dog food.


SKETCHBOOK, green cover, has a few diagrams of nothing in particular. URGENTLY NEEDED! Generous reward – even more if you can prove you didn’t look inside.










FOUND

On my doorstep, Wasteland St, a filthy scrap of notebook paper partly covered with incoherent scrawls apparently threatening me (by name) with being rendered “so dead”. If the legal guardian of the child or mental patient who obviously “wrote” this text wishes to see it, please contact me before Monday morning, when I plan to take appropriate action.

DOG, wire-haired Ibizan hound, healthy appetite, probably wants to get back to winning medals at shows? Call to ID.



SKETCHBOOK, green cover, with detailed plans for car engine that runs on tap water (?).