Dirt heap + lantern = ?

While casting a cold eye at the growing Eat Pray Love industry, Megan Daum complains:

these consumer goods tend to run the way of colorful paper lanterns you think will transform your yard instantly from a dirt heap into a Balinese paradise but fall apart when you attempt to remove them from the box (not that I tried this).

No, of course not! Just like we never thought we could transform our little bit of urban wilderness into an orderly haven by adding random bits of outdoor furniture that other people were tired of. Or that the grass under the glass table would stay nice and short and manicured. Or that the vine trailing gracefully over the unpainted arbour would draw all attention away from the about-to-collapse garage.

And I never even thought of paper lanterns! Really! They'd never hold up in the rain, even if they did make it to the backyard.